Relationships and work are the cornerstones of most people's lives. How would your relationships be different if you knew your own unconscious and conscious drives and those of other people? Well, the systems I've been studying can help you understand them. Relationships serve as mirrors for us. What we are denying, suppressing or repressing in ourselves we will tend to attract in a partner -- especially if that partner is in any way like one of our parents. The more imbalanced we are the more OPPOSITELY imbalanced a person we will attract into our lives. For example, if a very emotional person tends to be needy or cling to someone in a relationship then they could attract someone who is unemotional, independent and very self-sufficient to help balance them out. In the beginning everything feels wonderful because each person is supplying what the other person needs to develop in themselves. But once the romantic phase of the relationship has ended and you wake up to the realization that your partner can't supply your own unmet needs you are left with either developing those repressed or denied qualities in yourself or breaking up with your partner because he or she is not meeting your needs anymore.
Each of the systems I use has its own unique method for relationship compatibility analysis but the combination of all these methods blended together is truly mind-boggling. Of course, the emotional and psychological healthiness of a person can't be measured by a system, yet psychological healthiness is the one critical factor for allowing a relationship to truly flourish. Once we are on the path of doing our life's work, taking care of our health (physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual) and living with integrity and purpose, our self-esteem naturally rises and melts away any sense of inadequacies, fears or limiting beliefs about ourselves. Then our relationships tend to be more wonderful because we are attracted to potential partners who also have high self-esteem. So, with that said, here are the resources you may find helpful from each of the different systems.
There are two great websites that offer different Enneagram type compatibility grids that compare and contrast each of the nine Enneagram types with each other. Please note, these descriptions focus more on the unhealthy to average characteristics of an Enneagram type rather than the healthy characteristics of a type. The first website is: The Enneagram Institute (click on Relationships -- Type Compatibilities) and the second website is: Authentic Enneagram (click on the Interactive Matrix icon).
Here are a couple of excellent books that compare and contrast the joys and frustrations of being in relationship for each of the sixteen Myers-Briggs types. The first and best book I'll mention is called, "Just Your Type" by Barbara Barron-Tieger and Paul Tieger. This book compares all 136 different type combinations. The Tieger's website is: PersonalityType.com and their book can be ordered from their website. The second book I'll mention is called, "Intimacy and Type" by Jane Hardy Jones and Ruth G. Sherman. Both of these books will give you a much better understanding of how each of the Myers-Briggs types interact with each other. Of course, once you get a feel for what each of the Myers-Briggs types is like you will not need to rely on books for guidance.
Comparing and contrasting aura colors is another great way to understand relationship dynamics. Pamala Oslie devotes three chapters of her book "Life Colors" (chapters 6, 7, and 8) to comparing all of the aura Life Colors to each other. This is a wonderfully helpful resource. Her website is: Aura Colors.
The other four systems are much more complex in their relationship compatibility methodology but there is one excellent website, Astro Dienst, for astrological compatibility (Western) and there are some superbly written books for the layperson employing these four systems which I will discuss below.
A great relationship compatibility book using Western astrology is "Your Starway to Love" by Maritha Pottenger. If you know your and your love interest's Ascendant, Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus and Mars signs in Western astrology then I highly recommend this book which has a grid in it for quickly calculating your astrological compatibility. If you don't know your and your love interest's Ascendant, Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus and Mars signs, you can find them out for FREE by going to Astro Dienst and find the Astrodienst Free Horoscopes box.
Vedic astrology is an amazing yet very complex system for understanding relationship compatibility and there are no books that I know of that are written for the layperson. If you happen to be a budding Vedic astrologer and would like to learn more about relationship compatibility using this system I highly recommend getting Hart De Fouw's book, "Light on Relationships."
One book called, "The Power of Birthdays, Stars and Numbers" by Geraldine Sullivan and Saffi Crawford gives descriptions of a person's personality based solely on their day of birth. The book lists other birthdays in four categories of compatibility for any given birthday of the year. The four categories are: (1) Love & Friendship, (2) Beneficial, (3) Fatal Attractions, and (4) Soul Mates. The compatibility method used to determine these birth dates employs some Western astrology but mostly The Playing Card System.
Numerology is another complex system for relationship compatibility because one needs to blend the influence of numerous numbers together for each person before making any judgment in terms of compatibility. But nonetheless there are a few authors that have written excellent books for the layperson that do compare each of the numbers individually. If you also take the time to learn Numerology a little bit (which you can do in these books) then you will also be able to blend the influence from the numerous numbers together. The four books are: "Glynis Has Your Number" by Glynis McCants (see Chapter 12: Finding Your Perfect Mate), "Hot Numbers" by Jean Simpson (see Chapter 5: Name Number Relationships), "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Numerology" by Kay Lagerquist and Lisa Lenard (see Chapter 28: Relationships by the Numbers), and "The Numerology Kit" by Carol Adrienne (see Chapter 14: Number Combinations).
If you are interested in getting a more in-depth, full analysis of your relationship compatibility with someone, please give me a call or send me an e-mail. I would be happy to help you in any way I can. J
"Embracing the Beloved: Relationship as a Path of Awakening" by Stephen Levine and Ondrea Levine
"Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples" by Harville Hendrix
"Keeping the Love You Find" by Harville Hendrix
"Creating Love: The Next Great Stage of Growth" by John Bradshaw
Questions? Comments? Suggestions? My e-mail address is: firstname.lastname@example.org
This page was last updated on 05/29/05.